Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Sporadic insights
Have you ever felt yourself going dead inside??
To a point when the events transpiring around you cease to have an effect upon you?? Like your soul has been perforated by a million holes like a ragged cloth eaten up by worms.Like somebody has turned you inside out and then tried to remake you into something that you had never been. Like the emotions inside you have dried, drop by drop, to a point when no matter how much you dig, dust is all that you find.
How it all happens? You never even realize when you start to descend the staircase into a well so deep; that the light of all hope, worldly and divine fails to penetrate the darkness, for the night is absolute.
What leads you to that place; to the never ending abyss. No, not pain; because pain makes you real; more human that happiness can ever manage to. Pain makes you compassionate, enables you to empathize. If happiness is all you know, you will never even find out what all you are capable of. It is the endless cycle of light and darkness and then light again that makes you go blind. So blind that you can no more tell the truth from the false. Your mind entering such a cobweb of illusions one after another, that you fail to understand that loss makes gain real. You start running away from it with all you have got inside you, looking for escape, ignorant of the marshy land beneath your feet.
I don't know what has led me to this place. May be it was the feeling of losing everything in a moment and finding even more than that in next. Everyone is the center of one's own world until one day they wake up to the feeling that they are just a tiny speck in the vastness of this world. But then again how does it even matter. You can be an entire world for somebody out there. Under whose gaze you have to pretend to be as human as everybody else, for that person becomes the gravity holding the wings beneath your wings. How ironical it is that it looks like gravity is holding you down while in reality, gravity is also the force that enables you to fly.
Monday, November 28, 2011
REASON TO LIVE
Sarah was walking down the road to her deserted house in Paridhapulam, a small town around 5 km from Manali. It was late in the evening. She had been working overtime in her office to make both the ends meet. She didn’t even remember for how many days she had been skipping lunch to accommodate for other expenses. If it wasn’t for this house that she had inherited from her parents, she would be on road.
She looked up towards the sky. The crescent moon was playing hide and seek with the clouds as if trying to make fun of her inability to reach it. Stars seemed to have descended down the valley stealing the sky of its ornamental beauty, shining dimly like her much coveted distant dreams. Suddenly, the valley disappeared. A thick sheet of voracious fog now stood in front of her consuming everything tangible. It wasn’t the first time she was traversing this path at this hour.
She had often walked down this road as a child. But that time her father would accompany her. The moon seemed to be a distant pal then, waiting with his stars for her to reach him. The fog didn’t seem to be hiding ghosts that would come out of the shadows any moment to grab her. Even the scariest of the nights seemed less scary than today’s. She was 9 when her parents departed in a brutal accident. She didn’t have any siblings or relatives except for her father’s cousin, uncle John.
Sarah was too small to understand the loss. She grieved for a while but then found solace in Uncle John’s explanation, “God has sent your parents on a sacred mission to eradicate all evil from the world.”
“When would they return?”, innocent Sarah had asked.
“He would return them the moment they succeed in their mission.”
Ten years passed since then without a sign of her parents. The truth gradually dawned upon her too. She knew her parents were never going to return. Even if she still believed in Uncle John’s explanation, she had faced enough evil in her small age to understand that it was going to take more than a lifetime to eliminate whatever was wrong from the society and that she herself would be joining them someday in their holy crusade.
Uncle John proved to be a competent guardian. He owned a decent place with a single room and a petite kitchen in nearby village. He took her there with him. He provided her with everything that a young girl would need. This even included consultation with an old lady in the locality to help her with her early teen age years. He arranged for her studies in a nearby school. But his petite income was unable to support both of them. So her parents’ fixed deposit had to go into it. Her parents had left enough in their accounts for her to complete her studies. Uncle John never touched even a single penny of her money, but still that amount wasn’t inexhaustible. And the day their deposits went dry to the bottom, she proposed to him,” Why don’t you sell their house?”
“That is your house. You are going to need it someday”, he replied.
“But why am I going to need it? You will always be there to take care of me,” she argued.
But John was adamant,”I will do whatever it will take to take care of you. But this option is inconsiderable. You have already lost enough. You are not loosing this last memory of your parents now.”
How right and wrong he had been simultaneously in that moment. It was a cloudy Sunday evening when Sarah had gone to make an errand to the market. Normally, Uncle John would accompany her to the market but this time bad health or rather ill fate had kept him inside. When she returned late in the evening, the house had turned into a pile of ashes and with it Uncle John too had gone to her parents- lightening had struck her home while she was away. She had to shift back to her parents’ house. She got the job of a typist with the help of an acquaintance in an office in Manali. She lived alone and the income was just enough to support her. A few guys had tried to hit on her in the office, but she was smart enough to see through their demeanor. Or perhaps it was the fear of loosing someone again that kept her from allowing anyone to get close to her.
A loud blow of horn snapped the chain of memories and brought her back to present. Only then she realized that she had been standing there in middle of the road for a long time. With heavy heart she began walking towards her dwelling when suddenly a thought gripped her feet, “What if I too could join my parents and Uncle John in their fight against the evil? What difference would it make to the world if I disappeared? What reason do I have to go on with this atrocious life?”
She dragged herself towards the trench. There she stood alone, lost and detached. At a place where guardian angels seemed to be dwellers of fairy land who didn’t fit the real life odyssey. At least not the life she had known. If any speck of light existed at the end of the tunnel, then this tunnel was endless. She could hear the river flowing down there, the churning of the pebbles below the icy water. She knew it would be painful but this pain appeared nothing as compared to the hardships she had to go through in her life. Life had rendered her all alone; at least death would unite her with the people she loved. The river roared once again as if telling her to come hide herself in its embrace promising to wash away all her sorrows. She looked up towards the sky. The clouds had disappeared and stars had appeared back at its canvas. Just one more step and she would be one of those million stars. She smiled at them as if greeting her new comrades. She lifted a foot to take that last step. But suddenly something began to pull at her overcoat. She looked down. A small girl was standing there in tattered clothes, shuddering in the biting cold. It was the orphan girl she had often seen begging at the stairs of a nearby temple. Sarah stood there dumb fold for a moment, and the next moment she bent down to pick the girl in her arms and began to walk towards her place. She had found her guardian angel, her reason to live. And also had finally joined her parents and beloved uncle in their crusade against the evil!!
She looked up towards the sky. The crescent moon was playing hide and seek with the clouds as if trying to make fun of her inability to reach it. Stars seemed to have descended down the valley stealing the sky of its ornamental beauty, shining dimly like her much coveted distant dreams. Suddenly, the valley disappeared. A thick sheet of voracious fog now stood in front of her consuming everything tangible. It wasn’t the first time she was traversing this path at this hour.
She had often walked down this road as a child. But that time her father would accompany her. The moon seemed to be a distant pal then, waiting with his stars for her to reach him. The fog didn’t seem to be hiding ghosts that would come out of the shadows any moment to grab her. Even the scariest of the nights seemed less scary than today’s. She was 9 when her parents departed in a brutal accident. She didn’t have any siblings or relatives except for her father’s cousin, uncle John.
Sarah was too small to understand the loss. She grieved for a while but then found solace in Uncle John’s explanation, “God has sent your parents on a sacred mission to eradicate all evil from the world.”
“When would they return?”, innocent Sarah had asked.
“He would return them the moment they succeed in their mission.”
Ten years passed since then without a sign of her parents. The truth gradually dawned upon her too. She knew her parents were never going to return. Even if she still believed in Uncle John’s explanation, she had faced enough evil in her small age to understand that it was going to take more than a lifetime to eliminate whatever was wrong from the society and that she herself would be joining them someday in their holy crusade.
Uncle John proved to be a competent guardian. He owned a decent place with a single room and a petite kitchen in nearby village. He took her there with him. He provided her with everything that a young girl would need. This even included consultation with an old lady in the locality to help her with her early teen age years. He arranged for her studies in a nearby school. But his petite income was unable to support both of them. So her parents’ fixed deposit had to go into it. Her parents had left enough in their accounts for her to complete her studies. Uncle John never touched even a single penny of her money, but still that amount wasn’t inexhaustible. And the day their deposits went dry to the bottom, she proposed to him,” Why don’t you sell their house?”
“That is your house. You are going to need it someday”, he replied.
“But why am I going to need it? You will always be there to take care of me,” she argued.
But John was adamant,”I will do whatever it will take to take care of you. But this option is inconsiderable. You have already lost enough. You are not loosing this last memory of your parents now.”
How right and wrong he had been simultaneously in that moment. It was a cloudy Sunday evening when Sarah had gone to make an errand to the market. Normally, Uncle John would accompany her to the market but this time bad health or rather ill fate had kept him inside. When she returned late in the evening, the house had turned into a pile of ashes and with it Uncle John too had gone to her parents- lightening had struck her home while she was away. She had to shift back to her parents’ house. She got the job of a typist with the help of an acquaintance in an office in Manali. She lived alone and the income was just enough to support her. A few guys had tried to hit on her in the office, but she was smart enough to see through their demeanor. Or perhaps it was the fear of loosing someone again that kept her from allowing anyone to get close to her.
A loud blow of horn snapped the chain of memories and brought her back to present. Only then she realized that she had been standing there in middle of the road for a long time. With heavy heart she began walking towards her dwelling when suddenly a thought gripped her feet, “What if I too could join my parents and Uncle John in their fight against the evil? What difference would it make to the world if I disappeared? What reason do I have to go on with this atrocious life?”
She dragged herself towards the trench. There she stood alone, lost and detached. At a place where guardian angels seemed to be dwellers of fairy land who didn’t fit the real life odyssey. At least not the life she had known. If any speck of light existed at the end of the tunnel, then this tunnel was endless. She could hear the river flowing down there, the churning of the pebbles below the icy water. She knew it would be painful but this pain appeared nothing as compared to the hardships she had to go through in her life. Life had rendered her all alone; at least death would unite her with the people she loved. The river roared once again as if telling her to come hide herself in its embrace promising to wash away all her sorrows. She looked up towards the sky. The clouds had disappeared and stars had appeared back at its canvas. Just one more step and she would be one of those million stars. She smiled at them as if greeting her new comrades. She lifted a foot to take that last step. But suddenly something began to pull at her overcoat. She looked down. A small girl was standing there in tattered clothes, shuddering in the biting cold. It was the orphan girl she had often seen begging at the stairs of a nearby temple. Sarah stood there dumb fold for a moment, and the next moment she bent down to pick the girl in her arms and began to walk towards her place. She had found her guardian angel, her reason to live. And also had finally joined her parents and beloved uncle in their crusade against the evil!!
Thursday, August 18, 2011
DREAM
I saw a dream
i was walking down the road
surroundings plush green
The sun shone over my head
casting a shadow
on the path i tread
Oh wait!! there were two
standing by my side were you
your fingers locked with mine
reflected by your eyes was heavenly shine
i kept gazing at you spell bound
in shadows was lost the world around
i was the happiest girl in the world
a princess with a crown
my eyes locked with his
hands intertwined
life felt like a bliss
joy undetermined
Suddenly i tripped
no hands to save me from the fall
my eyes wide open
i was falling through the dark
No sun over my head shone
the dream was gone
no pair of hands to hold mine
no pair of eyes reflecting shine
Every feeling was so earthly
nothing Divine!!!!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Cup of Tea
Cup of tea..... aint it very much similar to life. There is no definition to perfect taste of a cup of tea... just like life, where everyone has his individual approach to a perfect life..... Some prefer it to be spicy... Some others like it simple and sweet...
Whatever happens in your life.. what comes handy is a cup of tea.
you fight with a friend and have a cup of tea.
You get fired frm ur job and have a cup of tea.
You get a promotion and have a cup of tea.
You reminisce about d best days of your life and have a cup of tea.
In perfect analogy with life, whatever turn life may take, dsnt matter how bumpy is the road u hv to trudge, wat u find at the end of the road is life again!!!
Life may turn bitter or sweet, bt wat always stays there in your hands is a sizzling sweet cup of tea......
So face anything that comes ur way with equanimity and a cup of tea!!!
And if after reading this post u feel like writing is not my cup of tea... den think again!!!! LOL. (And dont forget to have a cup of tea.):)
Monday, May 24, 2010
Born to win
Many a times we wake up in morning with loads of complaints on our mind about what we don't have...... make a silly mistake n utter words like " why me always???", get disheartened by such tiny obstacles of life pitying ourselves, almost forgetting about the fact that we as humans have got the most complicated and powerful brain among all the creatures on earth. God himself has given us the power to observe, analyse and then act. Then how may we disrespect our mighty God by behaving like losers. Its a grave insult of the mother nature if we ever loose hope given that we as human beings are at the apex of the intellectual pyramid.... Never pity yourself, never show sympathy to your own being and the people you truly love. Sympathy makes one weak, provides an escape from your responsibility to whatever happens in your life, barricading all scopes of improvement. Why be afraid of facing the consequences of your own deeds. Its the way of life, it teaches a lesson again and again unless u don't learn it. Please don't misunderstand me or misinterpret my words. I am certainly not asking you to punish your soul by constantly blaming yourself for every failure you face in life... that is not my message for sure. If you get such an impression then i am guilty of not being able to deliver my message clearly and you are guilty of interpreting things according to your own will.. I am not asking you to bind your soul, you will soon get frustrated. The best thing will be to set yourself free, listen to your gut.. because you can't achieve success unless you get an impulse from inside. Your instinct will always tell you which way to follow, which path to tread. It will always guide you through given you don't superimpose the voices in your head with noise of laziness, fear and prejudice, leading to negative interference!!!
Always remember that a story of great success is also a story of great failures. The difference is just that the ultimate winners don't bow to their circumstances, never hold anything else on earth responsible for their failures but their own shortcomings. The best thing is to take life as it comes.. analyse into the matters to find out the things that keep you from winning, and then eliminating those factors in your next attempt rather than wasting your time in mourning, sympathising yourself and seeking sympathy from others.. n holding everyone and everything out in world responsible for your failure including the situations, your family, your friends, lack of resources, even the flaw in weather forecast.... the list never ends!!!
I strongly believe that whatever happens in your life is for good only... what that seems to be an atrocity of cruel life at first sight turns out to be a blessing later. During its birth, a butterfly has to break its shell with its wings that requires a lot of struggle. The baby butterfly if deprived of this struggle dies as soon as it comes out of its shell as it is necessary to provide strength to the wings of the butterfly. Similarly whatever hardships we face in life are essential elements to the recipe of a refined winner!!
Success can never be achieved on basis of doubtful goals and hollow wills.. it requires stronger grounds.It demands a steel foundation which is greater inside the ground than whatever it appears to be on the surface. U need to know clearly what you wish to acquire and are ready to pay the price for it whatever it takes.... Success is something what you get when you desire it as strongly as u need air inside water and keep attempting for it till your last breath.. And always remember success is a journey not a destination!!
P.S. inspired by " you can win" by " Shiv Khera"
Always remember that a story of great success is also a story of great failures. The difference is just that the ultimate winners don't bow to their circumstances, never hold anything else on earth responsible for their failures but their own shortcomings. The best thing is to take life as it comes.. analyse into the matters to find out the things that keep you from winning, and then eliminating those factors in your next attempt rather than wasting your time in mourning, sympathising yourself and seeking sympathy from others.. n holding everyone and everything out in world responsible for your failure including the situations, your family, your friends, lack of resources, even the flaw in weather forecast.... the list never ends!!!
I strongly believe that whatever happens in your life is for good only... what that seems to be an atrocity of cruel life at first sight turns out to be a blessing later. During its birth, a butterfly has to break its shell with its wings that requires a lot of struggle. The baby butterfly if deprived of this struggle dies as soon as it comes out of its shell as it is necessary to provide strength to the wings of the butterfly. Similarly whatever hardships we face in life are essential elements to the recipe of a refined winner!!
Success can never be achieved on basis of doubtful goals and hollow wills.. it requires stronger grounds.It demands a steel foundation which is greater inside the ground than whatever it appears to be on the surface. U need to know clearly what you wish to acquire and are ready to pay the price for it whatever it takes.... Success is something what you get when you desire it as strongly as u need air inside water and keep attempting for it till your last breath.. And always remember success is a journey not a destination!!
P.S. inspired by " you can win" by " Shiv Khera"
Saturday, May 8, 2010
ANGEL
Its about a lovely little girl.... whom God sent to earth wid one primary job... it ws to make everyone around happy.... to b d hope 4 d people she loved n d people who loved hr..... Hr one touch wud b enough to fill ur heart wid compassion n love.... to blow away ur blues.. She z a pure soul n has a spring of love in hr heart 4 every 1 around.......
She z always bouncing around lik a jumping jack... always der to heal all ur worries wid hr magical smile; the cutest in the world.. Her eyes reflecting life in its brightest colours... Hr presence alone is enough to give your life an exotic hue.
She is beautiful at heart and soul.
You must b wondering who that girl is. She is an angel. I have met her and known her so well... I knw only my angel.. Yours may b some one else... After all, there z an angel in every one's life!!
Monday, April 26, 2010
I wish to Fly
I wish to fly......
Gazing at the eagles ruling the sky like indisputable masters, there sprouts a hope in my heart.. one day i too will unfold my wings and fly away.... fly above all my shackles of fear, overcoming all my mental pressures, winning over my shortcomings that keep me from winning!!!
One day i ll have my own piece of the sky.... no, i dont want to rule.... dnt wish to win over anyone else... juzz want to conquer my own self, to defeat the weaker sections of the regime of my brain... d world's easiest and the toughest job at the same time!!!!
I am desperate for that winning edge.....
I wish to fly.......
I wish to set myself free.... from all the useless thoughts that keep buzzing in my head all the time without a pause!!! They do me no good but every time they replay they keep me away from my goal.... y do they keep lurking in my mind inceasantly...... i hate bitching and baseless talks targetting the people around.. (i confess at times i find myself doing the same!!! :-(.. ) .Wish to feel that silence that renders you with mental piece n heart filled with melodies and goodwill and the entire world seems to dance to those melodies, people turn back to smile at you :-)
I wish to fly.....
I wish to defeat the ill wills i have for others at times!!! Wish to shatter all my grudges.... I never used to feel hatred for anyone when i was a kid.... wish to get that wonderful feeling back!!! Evey morning i pray to God to give me strength to surmount the ugliness of my thoughts!!!
I wish to fly......
N one day i ll fly away.... I have hope in my heart, i ll have my own piece of sky... !!!! Juzz lik eagles..... my source of inspiration... i ll fly, over the clouds of my mental boundations!!
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