Sporadic insights

Have you ever felt yourself going dead inside?? To a point when the events transpiring around you cease to have an effect upon you?? Like your soul has been perforated by a million holes like a ragged cloth eaten up by worms.Like somebody has turned you inside out and then tried to remake you into something that you had never been. Like the emotions inside you have dried, drop by drop, to a point when no matter how much you dig, dust is all that you find. How it all happens? You never even realize when you start to descend the staircase into a well so deep; that the light of all hope, worldly and divine fails to penetrate the darkness, for the night is absolute. What leads you to that place; to the never ending abyss. No, not pain; because pain makes you real; more human that happiness can ever manage to. Pain makes you compassionate, enables you to empathize. If happiness is all you know, you will never even find out what all you are capable of. It is the endless cycle of light and darkness and then light again that makes you go blind. So blind that you can no more tell the truth from the false. Your mind entering such a cobweb of illusions one after another, that you fail to understand that loss makes gain real. You start running away from it with all you have got inside you, looking for escape, ignorant of the marshy land beneath your feet. I don't know what has led me to this place. May be it was the feeling of losing everything in a moment and finding even more than that in next. Everyone is the center of one's own world until one day they wake up to the feeling that they are just a tiny speck in the vastness of this world. But then again how does it even matter. You can be an entire world for somebody out there. Under whose gaze you have to pretend to be as human as everybody else, for that person becomes the gravity holding the wings beneath your wings. How ironical it is that it looks like gravity is holding you down while in reality, gravity is also the force that enables you to fly.